We’ve all experienced a bit of a dry spell when having sex is the absolute last thing you feel like doing, but what if that dry spell lasted your entire life?
For happily married Brian and Alison who have notched up 25 years together, sex has never been an important part of their relationship.
In a candid insight into their celibate relationship, Brian admits that despite sleeping with two women before he met Alison, it wasn’t something that hugely interested him.
“Sex left me cold and I wasn’t very good at it,” he told the Guardian. “I couldn’t see what the fuss was about, but when I was in my early 20s it was all my friends thought about.”
After meeting his ‘soulmate’ Alison and popping the question, Brian felt ‘really relieved’ when his bride-to-be confessed she’d never had sex before and wanted to wait until their wedding night.
“I really hated the way previous boyfriends implied that it was time we had sex or that I owed them something, so Brian was a lovely contrast,” explains Alison.
Describing their wedding night as ‘OK’, the couple had sex a few times on their honeymoon because they felt they should, and Alison fell pregnant almost straightaway.
After their daughter was born, nearly two years passed before they broached the idea of sleeping together again with both of them candidly revealing their lackluster enthusiasm towards sex.
“I could say I wasn’t that mad about it once she’d said she could take or leave it,” says Brian.
“It did worry me that I didn’t want anything more than kisses and cuddles, and even when we had sex I knew ‘nice’ wasn’t the word most people use to describe it,” adds Alison.
The couple decided they wanted to add to their family, so tried for another child. Alison fell pregnant within six weeks and that was the last time they had sex.
That was 20 years ago.
For Alison, the couple’s lack of sexual interest has bothered her in the past and led her to suggest they have counseling, as well as join a support group for celibate couples.
Despite sometimes feeling like it’s a ‘shameful secret’ and admitting she’s never spilled on their sex life to friends, Alison wouldn’t want anyone else in her life but Brian.
“We still look OK for a couple in their late 40s, so I’m guessing most people just assume we have sex,” she tells the Guardian. “Brian’s very masculine and I’m very feminine in looks, so I doubt anyone thinks we don’t have sex.
“I wonder sometimes what we’re missing out on – does everyone else have amazing sex and if we spoke to the right person could we be doing that, too?”