A UK blogger has penned a passionate – and hilarious – plea to the makers of "Original Source Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel', begging them to include a warning on their bottles after a simple shower left her writhing in agony.
"Um, Original Source… can we talk?," wrote the owner of the I Know, I Need To Stop Talking Facebook page.
"I’d like to take you back to around 6.45am this morning, when I stepped into my bath, and found that my usual, rather innocuous bottle of shower gel had run out. A tad irritating, but fortuitously, I had a solution close to hand. A brand new, unopened bottle of your very own Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief."
Sadly, her relief was shortlived.
"I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather. I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently. (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good," she wrote.
"I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience.
Oh. Dear. God.
MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE."
It seems the mentholated "minty" flavour of the shower gel, while pleasantly tingly and refreshing on legs and arms, was rather less enjoyable used on the more sensitive body parts.
"For a moment, I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. Had I repeated the never to be forgotten error when I managed to apply hair removal cream which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom? Had a stray spark inadvertently set light to my pubic thatch?
BECAUSE IT F***NG FELT LIKE IT.
Yes, Original Source, your innocuous looking green bottle of so called shower gel, it turns out, is an absolute f***ing liability. MY FLAPS WERE ON F***NG FIRE. I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. ‘KEEP AWAY FROM EYES.’ Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Frankly, my eyes were the least of my problems right now.
I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. ‘7,929 tingling leaves’ claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a f***ing bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.)
Some twelve hours later, my front bottom has finally calmed down, though may well be suffering from as yet unconfirmed PTSD. My eyes have eventually stopped watering. And so, in the interests of public safety, I thought I would pen you this missive.
May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel? Something along the lines of the following:
‘7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy.’
If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf.
Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.
Kisses, IKINTST xxx"
While there's so far been no response from Original Source, the post comes two years after a NSW man had a similar reaction to the minty fresh shower gel.
Hugh Glashoff wrote to the company in 2015 to complain that he experienced a "light burning" sensation during his shower and that, "As I started to wash the body wash off it had occurred to me that the burning feeling had spread to my other private parts."
The company had a diplomatic response to Hugh's query – let's hope they're just as accommodating to the latest complaint.