You, on the other hand, are an infinitely more complicated creature, and we men often have a much harder time translating our thoughts into three-dimensional objects. A new iron? A jumper? Even flowers can leave you wondering what we're thinking. So to help you understand our primitive ways of showing we care, here's a guide to the gifts we give and what's really going on in our heads.
Flowers or chocolates
We know we're not scoring originality points here, but we rely on these gifts for a simple reason - they cover a lot of bases. Birthdays, holidays, even when we've washed our red T-shirt with your white bras - flowers say "I love you" or "I screwed up" better than we can say it ourselves. Luckily for us, you're also biologically programmed to love them. Flowers' aroma activates the emotional part of your brain, which makes you think happy thoughts about the person who gave them to you, says psychiatrist Dr Daniel Amen, author of Magnificent Mind At Any Age (amazon.com). Meanwhile, chocolates contain phenylethylamines and other seductive chemicals that stimulate the pleasure centres of your brain.
Clothes
A survey of male shopping habits at Christmas time showed that the majority of us were planning to buy you clothes - funny, since we can barely match our belts with our shoes. It's a risky move, but one with a simple motivation. Whenever you wear that item, it means you thought about us for at least the time it took to retrieve it from your dresser drawer. "My fiancée is a girly-girl, so I got her some frilly tops for Christmas," says Vincent, 39. "It's such a thrill to see her with them on, I felt like I understood her." If we offer to take you shoe shopping, apparently we're thinking along different lines: "Shoes are very sexual," Dr Amen says. "There's a part of the brain called the sensory strip, in which the foot area is close to the clitoral area. So going shoe shopping together is like foreplay." The sort of foreplay you really love, if your shoe collection is anything to go by.
Jewellery
Diamonds, we have long been told, mean many things. They're forever, they're your best friend - and an emerald-cut solitaire would apparently look quite good on your ring finger. We know that if you're waiting for The Ring, a serviceable set of studs isn't going to make you happy. But when you consider the expense involved and the sentimental value of whatever we pick out, we're making a mini-commitment to you and showing that we take this relationship seriously. And long after the wedding, the kids and the daycare bills, icing you up is a great way to remind you that you're still as glamorous and sexy as ever.
A gift voucher
This could be the relationship equivalent of the "check engine" light glowing on your dashboard. If we hand you a Farmers gift voucher, we don't know enough about what you're interested in - and that's not good. But if it's for a facial at a glamorous salon or dinner at the restaurant where we first met, there's no need to call the mechanic. Also consider that "he might be afraid of making a mistake," says Dr Carole Lieberman, co-author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live With Them, and When To Leave Them (amazon.com). Andy, 35, admits he's given his girlfriend bookshop vouchers because she likes to read, so this gift is foolproof. In the end, when we're out of ideas, our goal is to avoid screwing up.
Lingerie
OK, on the surface, presenting you with a lacy teddy isn't very complicated. We know you'll look hot when you put it on (and even hotter when you take it off). But it's also a sign of intimacy, that we think we know you well enough to understand how you'll react. Joel, 30, waited a year after he started dating his now-wife before buying her lingerie. "She reacted positively," he says. "If laughing hysterically is positive - but she wore it."
A did-it-himself original
We're revealing a side of ourselves the rest of the world hasn't seen since the days of Crayola sketches stuck on mum's fridge. And that's putting you in some good company. It also lets us peacock a bit, showing off our creative side while giving you something personal. Even if our talent doesn't match our ambition, a poem we wrote or DVD slideshow set to your favourite music means we've set our love phasers to "swoon". Feel free to synchronise.
An appliance
Before you heave that blender at our heads, hear us out. On the romance scale we admit that anything with Black & Decker stamped on it is a stretch. But it proves we're listening when you complain about how that crappy iron leaves more wrinkles than it removes and that we appreciate the many thankless jobs you do - and want to make them easier. "My wife used to sew, but hadn't for years," says Victor, 31. "I gave her a sewing machine, and she was floored."
For "us" presents
On the surface it seems selfish, but really it's a way to strengthen our bond by better feathering our joint nest. Say you love nothing more than a good read. Although "Freedom" and "passion" are not terms often paired together, what could be better than a plush chair for you to curl up in? This gift says he really cares about you, says Dr Ava Cadell, author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love (amazon.com). This works on a smaller scale, too. Despite his wife's rule that no gifts "for the house" can be passed off as gifts for her, David, 26, found a handcrafted picture frame he knew she'd love. And she accepted it happily. "It's on the wall now with a photo from our wedding," he says.
A holiday
Short of reserving a stay at the Baghdad Marriott, this one is almost impossible to get wrong, and the message is loud and clear. "It's building memories," Dr Amen says. In a new relationship, we're ready to take the connection to a deeper level, preferably one involving room service and "Do Not Disturb" signs. If we're married, it eliminates excuses for skipping time together, from the kids to work and everything in between. We booked the flight and the suite. We've got the chocolates, the lingerie, the flowers. All you have to do is show up. And how about a little shoe shopping?
WHEN OUR GIFTS GO WRONG
Sometimes our gift radar is a tad off the mark. But aside from re-enacting the head spinning scene from The Exorcist, there are ways to let us know we blew it, and to help us avoid making the same mistake twice.
1. Fake it (at first)
Telling us right away just makes us feel bad - and makes you seem ungrateful. Smile through the pain, then give it a couple of weeks before you attempt to show us the error of our gift-giving ways.
2. Be subtle
Nothing gets our backs up quicker than you pointing out our failures, and in our minds that's exactly what this is. You can take some sting out of it simply by dropping hints that maybe, just maybe, a watch would be more practical than a grandfather clock.
3. Play teacher
Encourage us with specific feedback - yes, you really love shoes, but you're more into Skechers flats than thigh-high vinyl boots. Plan a shopping trip so you can show us firsthand the difference between what you like and what receipts were made for.
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