1. I don't want to talk about it. I want to figure it out.
2. When you ask me what's on my mind and I say "Nothing," I really mean nothing.
3. I'd appreciate it if you left the bathroom door closed while you wee. Yes, we're comfortable around each other, but do we need to be that comfortable?
4. Brazilian wax. Me like.
5. I will deny this to the death in front of my friends, but I love it when you grab my hand while we're queuing at the movies.
6. I know when you're faking it.
7. I like it when other men check you out, but not the other way around.
8. Yes, this is a double standard.
9. Never utter the words "penis" and "cute" in the same sentence. Even if the penis in question is not mine.
10. I want kids, but I have no interest in not being the single most important thing in your life. Tell me: do you think this is going to be problematic?
11. I worry about our finances around 30 times a day, so there's no need to keep reminding me.
12. Don't expect me to sing along with you in the car. It's not, um, manly.
13. I like a girl who drinks beer out of the bottle.
14. I love the occasional "I WANT YOU" text message. Send me one - right now.
15. Would it kill you to wear something with pockets? I don't want to carry around your lipstick and wallet all night long.
16. I thoroughly enjoy watching large men stand in a ring and beat the tattoos off each other. Fighting with you? Not so keen on that.
17. A holiday with your parents is about as enjoyable for me as... never mind, you know this one already.
18. Can we please give our children normal names? Apple is not a name. It's a fruit.
19. If you allow me to be my endearingly odd, occasionally twisted self around you, I'll always be there.
20. I'm not sure if I can deal with watching my child being born. Can we make it a last-minute decision?
21. My brain is not wired for multitasking, so cut me some slack if I'm watching the rugby and I don't answer you straightaway.
22. It's really refreshing when you can laugh at yourself. It also means that you're not laughing at me.
23. Most of us are cowards when it comes to breaking up, so if it's not working out, do a bloke a favour and end it first, OK?
24. But don't say it's because you're no longer attracted to me. It takes months to recover from that.
25. Honestly, watching porn doesn't mean I'm bored with our sex life. It just means I'm really interested in other people's.
26. Just because I don't respond doesn't mean I'm not listening.
27. Your bum looks fine in those jeans. And even if it didn't, you wouldn't hear it from me.
28. Contrary to popular belief, it's not a turn-off when you tell me exactly what you want me to do to you, for how long, and how hard.
29. Don't ask me if I think Hayley Holt is hot if you don't want to hear an honest answer.
30. Speaking of honest answers: hearing about the details of your diet falls somewhere between flower arranging and French cinema.
31. I love it when you laugh at my jokes. Even the stupid ones.
32. Especially the stupid ones.
33. If you're going to compliment me, say you like my eyes, my smile, or my killer biceps. I'm totally OK with being a piece of meat.
34. I don't fear commitment; what I fear is containment. A guy needs his space - with room for a table saw, his album collection and a plasma TV.
35. I love it when you say my name in bed.*
35.5. *It's Jonathan, by the way.