THE ARRIVAL OF YOUR FIRST RESTAURANT BILL

The folder's on the table and she plumped for the lobster. "A lot of men are confused by gender equality," says Dr Boyce Watkins, author of Financial Lovemaking 101. "Women do want to be treated as equals, but don't apply this to dating."

Make it You need to pay, no matter what: "Females of any species gravitate towards a mate who can provide for them," says Watkins. "Paying also signals that the date is romantic, not platonic." And don't leave it there, either: "Never be stingy with the tip," warns David Wygant, co-author of Always Talk to Strangers. "She's looking at how you treat other people as a sign of how you're going to treat her three months down the line." So don't send the waitress off with your dirty plates without a smile and a proper thank you.

THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE TO COUNSEL HER

She's had a barney with her best friend. "Your natural response is to tell her exactly what to do," says Allan Pease, co-author of Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Map. "Unfortunately, that's the worst thing you can do." Gulp.

Make it "Your girlfriend doesn't want advice," says Pease. "She wants you to listen and make sympathetic comments." This process is known as "feeding back" her emotions, says Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. "Make affirmative, soothing sounds known as 'listener noises' to show that you are paying attention. If you say nothing she will interpret that as you not listening."

THE FIRST SIGHT OF HER PHYSICAL IMPERFECTION

To you it's just a beauty spot. To her it's a mole of gargantuan proportions that was the bane of her teen years.

"Saying too little, or worse, too much about her imperfection will trigger her lie detector," says Yvonne Fulbright, author of Pleasuring. Because before you can say "turn-off", the slinky slip will be off and the baggy pyjamas back on.

Make it "Strike the perfect medium and tell her that no part of her is a turn-off," says Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrilla Dating Tactics. "Engage in a little therapy of the playground variety: after she shows you hers, show her yours. She'll see that your 'flaws' don't make her fancy you any less and will make her feel better about her own." As long as your flaws don't include testicular boils.

THE FIRST NIGHT SHE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HAVING SEX

You've lit the candles, the champagne's chilled, but she just wants to crash out. "How you deal with her first refusal speaks volumes about your sexual potential," says Dr Sari Locker, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex. "Someone who freaks out is saying they care more about their own needs than their partner's." And that's relationship hara-kiri.

Make it "Sulking will make her feel twice as bad as you're feeling," says Fulbright. "Women bond by talking, so giving her the cold shoulder is like a slap in the face. Accept her wishes gracefully and ask her if you can still hold her, explaining that you don't expect it to lead anywhere - and stick to your word." You never know, the oxytocin rush from bodily contact might be enough to stoke her fires after all.

THE FIRST TIME SHE GETS A BOUT OF THE FLU

"No matter how alpha-female she is, when she's ill she wants to be taken care of," says Dr Pam Spurr, author of Fabulous Foreplay. "Women work hard to project a perfect facade. But when she's projecting bodily fluids, that mask slips a little. And if you can't deal with the sniffles, how will you cope if things get really tough?"

Make it "She doesn't necessarily want you doing a soup run, but she wants to know that you're emotionally invested enough that you'd be prepared to," says Spurr. If she does want to see you, take round a Farrelly Brothers or Scrubs DVD; studies from Loma Linda University School of Medicine in the US show that watching comedy for 60 minutes significantly boosts the immune system.

THE FIRST CROSSING OF THE ARGUMENT LINE

One moment you're disputing who left the cap off the toothpaste, the next you're calling her a miserable harpy. "Men can become so focused on being right they forget to still be loving," says Dr John Gray, author of Why Mars and Venus Collide. "The stress centre in the male brain is twice as big as a woman's, so we have poorer impulse control." Though, obviously, we're still right.

Make it "Apologise straight away," says Gray. "Don't give excuses - you said it and you need to shoulder the blame. Use negative words in your apology, like 'I was really insensitive' or 'I really regret the stupid thing I just said'. Then let her talk: it will raise her oxytocin levels, making her feel more loving towards you." And less likely to hurl crockery at your head.