Success in anything from football to guitar playing comes as much from perseverance (which is largely about rebounding after taking hits) as from natural-born talent. Managers who let their employees risk failure bring out more creativity in them than bosses who harp on workers' mistakes. In the end, what separates men lacking in self-esteem from those who feel pretty good about themselves is the way they handle failure.

You didn't make the quarterly numbers

The flip side: "Biting off more than you can chew shows ambition," says Ben Dattner, a psychologist who specialises in workplace issues. One screw-up won't mar your career. In fact, many employers recruit people who reached high and flopped. "If a person is too safe and conservative he's not likely to come up with great ideas," says Dattner.

Your next move: Analyse what happened. "Pick your failure apart as if you were a commentator at a golf tournament," says psychiatrist Frank Pittman. Then tell your boss what you could have done better. Your company may even benefit. A Harvard Business School analysis found that some of the best medical teams have the most errors on record. Reporting mistakes is a key to success.

You were fired

The flip side: You may have been hanging onto a job you didn't like out of pride and fear. Having the decision made for you can be liberating. "Being fired teaches you that your workplace doesn't define you as much as you think it did," says Dattner.

Your next move: Plan your spin. Think about how you'll tell the story when you're hunting for a new job. "Don't be too blasé, too self-blaming or too defensive," says Dattner. Offer a balanced explanation like: "My expectations about my previous job were off, and I also lacked some of the resources I needed." Show that you learned something and you're able to see the situation from a different perspective."

The woman you were chatting up brushed you off

The flip side: You can become better at this. Men who haven't faced rejection have weak mental immune systems, says Barry Lubetkin, the clinical director of the Institute for Behaviour Therapy in New York. Next time, you'll bounce back more quickly. '''

Your next move:''' Change your game. Ask a female friend to watch you in action and then give you an honest critique. Then force yourself back out there. A study from the University of Essex in the UK found that, while good looks and education are important to women, they aren't as influential as "market opportunities". In other words, just showing up and being available can outweigh being rich or tall.

Your long-term relationship imploded

The flip side: Heartbreak is a great teacher and it can help you improve your future relationships. Remember, you won't always feel so miserable: a study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that older people remember fewer negative things from the past than younger people do.

Your next move: Regardless of who did the dumping, a post-mortem can help you out next time. "We tend to over-react to failures and ignore the successful aspects of these experiences," says Lubetkin. He suggest charting out your last five relationships. What was the main conflict in each? Was it something you could control? What are some of the good things that came out of being with her? "You'll see that no endeavour is a complete failure," he says.