THE PERFECT . . . PORRIDGE

Studies show a portion of oats a day can protect you from cardiovascular disease. So we've found a UK formula for the ideal serving: v = (s x spoon) / h, where v = speed of stirring; s = force of stirring; spoon = size of spoon; and h = porridge density.

"Put in three and a half cups of water to every cup of oats in a seven-inch (18-centimetre) saucepan," says the University of Bristol's Dr Len Fisher, author of How to Dunk a Doughnut: The Science of Everyday Life. "Stir using a 2.5cm wooden spoon over a medium heat until it simmers, then lower the heat and stir slowly for five minutes. Add half a teaspoon of salt, two of sugar and half a cup of buttermilk, then serve." This is a subtle variation on the "stick it all in a pan and mix" method.

THE PERFECT . . . BACON SANDWICH

"Bacon is a good source of B vitamins, which are essential for the body to metabolise protein," says nutritionist Carrie Norris. "It's also packed full of easily absorbable iron, zinc and potassium, which are essential for the immune system."

That's why it's the perfect hangover cure on a Sunday morning. The key aspects of the perfect bacon sandwich are crispiness and crunchiness, say sandwich scientists from Leeds University in the UK. They discovered that for optimum enjoyment, the crunching sound should measure 0.5 decibels and the bacon should crack when 0.4 Newtons of force is applied through chewing.

To ensure this, they suggest you cook three bacon rashers under a preheated oven grill for seven minutes at 240°C then place them between two slices of fresh-baked bread that has been cut 1.5cm thick. Whether you include your sofa, a doona and the Underworld DVD in the mix is your call.

THE PERFECT . . . CUPPA

Scientists at Newcastle University in the UK have discovered that a mug in the morning could improve your memory and protect you from age-related cognitive conditions such as Alzheimer's disease.

Britain's Royal Society of Chemistry outlines eight steps to perfect tea:

• Fresh boiled water: pre-boiled lacks sufficient oxygen to infuse properly.
  A warm pot.
  One rounded tbsp of tea in the cup (eg, Twinings English Breakfast; $5.50, twinings.com.au).
  Pouring from the kettle as it boils.
  Three minutes of brewing time.
  A large ceramic mug.
  Milk added before the tea (it's an enzyme thing).
  Drink at between 60-65°C, or three minutes after pouring.

MH has another: Anyone fancy a ginger snap?