Q. My ex-girlfriend told me that women don't like being called “mate”. Is that true? I've never called a romantic interest “mate”, but I use it for my female friends. – DC

Han: How nice of your ex to lump us all in the one box. There's only a couple of names I hate being called – they start with "s" and "c" – but "mate" is not one of them. I call my partner mate, my partner's brother calls his partner mate, my best friend calls her partner mate . . . hang on, maybe it's not a very platonic word after all?

Jannah: I've never been a girlie-girl, so I like it when my guy friends call me mate, 'cause it leads me to believe we are purely friends and I somehow feel "accepted" by an alien race.

Alyssa: I know what you mean, Jannah. Some of my male friends greet me with a 'yo' instead of 'hi', then proceed to put their hand out for me to slap. 'Mate' compared to some of the things I get called (and don’t object to) seems pretty normal to me!

Jannah: Maybe your girl was a little jealous of your female "mates" – girls say those kind of illogical things when they feel threatened. No wonder men get so confused.


Q. I'm 21 and I've met the most perfect lady. Fun, beautiful and so laid back. However, she's more than 10 years older than me and she has a kid. Should I keep pursuing it despite all of this? – KP

Jannah: In my experience, us "older" women are more comfortable with ourselves and have less hang-ups and therefore, are more laidback in general. I'm sure this is a breath of fresh air compared to most girls your age.

Han: Does she have scales? A communicable disease? Genesis' Greatest Hits in her CD wallet? No? Then go forth and be her man. Might want to dust off the Scalextrics.

Alyssa: I think be her 'boy' would be more appropriate! Unless he was Edward Cullen from Twilight I don’t think I'd date anyone 10 years younger than me. But hey, it seems to be working for the two of you. If the chemistry's there and you go together like beer and nuts, then who cares how old she is?

Jannah: I'm glad you're giving this a lot of thought, KP, 'cause when there's kids involved you really got to be sure. You sound mature for a 21-year-old, so that's one pre-requisite of dating an older women ticked off. There's a fair bit of stuff working against your here, but look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, they've been married for four years now.

Q. Are G-strings uncomfortable? – KL

Jannah: Why don’t you slap on a G-banger and find out. Apparently Beckham gives Posh’s smalls a run.

Han: Only if you wear them backwards. They're more comfy than wedgie-inducing briefs. Who wants inches of cotton panty creeping up their bottom?

Jannah: While they do have their benefits (no pants line), a friend of mine snapped hers while at work and had to go undies-less in a skirt for the rest of the day!

Alyssa: Undie-less in a skirt at work? I'm sure a few guys out there are thanking you for that tasteful image!

Han: WTF? Was it made of rubber?

Jannah: Not sure, maybe she was break-dancing?

Han: Well, I've been espousing the virtue of the thong for most of my adult life (sorry Mum) – no wardrobe malfunctions to date.

Alyssa: I'm going to have to disagree with probably about 75 per cent of females out there. For me, it feels like I'm wearing one big wedgie. I prefer those French knickers, Bonds on a fat day, but of course will “grin and wear” the butt floss when necessary.

Q. What’s the best approach for asking a crush on a date? I find her attractive and interesting. She has a great smile and want to get to know her better. – "Shane"

Han: If only I had a dollar for every time we're asked this. I wouldn't need to work here.

Alyssa: Make some kind of playful bet with her over a game of pool or Wii Tennis - loser takes winner out to dinner.

Jannah: How about having a conversation with her and throwing in this: "You have a great smile and I'd like to get to know you better. Want to go for a coffee this week?" You just wrote it in your question. There's nothing wrong with being direct and if yes she's no, the world won't end and you can focus your attention on your next target. If she says yes, take her to a coffee joint you know and feel comfortable in and get to know her a little better.

Han: Following that, take her to a movie, then sushi train (no, that's not a metaphor). I read recently that if you take a girl to three locations on one date, it tricks her mind into thinking she's spent more time with you.

Alyssa: Or just keep poking her on Facebook. She’s bound to get the idea after a while.

Q: My girl brings up marriage every second sentence lately and it's becoming irritating. I believe that we'll get married, but I don't want to feel bullied into it. How do I ask her to ease up? - KJ

Han: Don't tell me she left a copy of Let's Get Engaged on your coffee table. (Yes, it's a real magazine.)
Jannah: Han, is there one on your coffee table, hmmm? Whatever you do, KJ, don't get down on one knee to do anything. She'll be shrieking "Yes, yes, yes!" before your knee even hits the floor. Yeah, I know a girl like this. She harassed her boy and when he finally did propose, the ring was all wrong and it wasn't romantic enough. But that's just one case.
Alyssa: Marriage gives a girl a sense of security. It basically "seals the deal" and it's the natural next step when two people love each other. Right? Well, no - there's so much more to it, such as financial security, which may be why you're hesitant. You love her, but not everything has fallen into place yet - which is fine.
To ease her up, make sure you're both clear where the relationship is headed, or she may give up on you and look elsewhere.
Han: If she wants to get hitched so much, ask her why she hasn't proposed! This isn't 1955. There are more reasons than one for a girl to get down on her knees.

Q: I slept with a friend and it went on for a few months. She ended it. I like her but she said she's not ready for a relationship. What should I do? - BL

Jannah: Awkward now, I'm sure, and there's nothing you can do, BL. Don't beg, don't hold any hope. Just avoid her for a while, until your feelings fade, then hopefully you can be friends again. But if she booty calls you ever again, you must, must, must deny access.
Alyssa: Someone always falls in this situation and falling means hurting, but good on her for stopping it if she didn't feel the same as you. I know it sounds harsh, but you need to sever all ties with a knife. A sharp one. From now on, it's no more Mr Nice Guy.
Han: She's just not that into you. Sorry, someone had to say it.

Q: I'm taking my girlfriend skydiving for our two-year anniversary. My sister says I'm crazy, but I think she'll love it. What do you girls think? - GR

Alyssa: Crazy equals fun. Go for it!
Jannah: Yeah, I'd love that. Write something on the anniversary card about replicating that rush of falling in love with her. Girls love cheese like that (or is it just me?).
Alyssa: Yes, definitely bring on the cheese! In fact I'm a little welled up right now, that's so beautiful, Jannah! I'm a sucker for all things romantic, no matter how corny.
Jannah: Kleenex, Alyssa?
Han: The only cheese I like goes well with quince paste. Saying that, though, the skydive isn't cheesy. Knock yourself out (so to speak). Studies show an adrenaline rush can lead to arousal, so make sure the anniversary weekend is capped off with sexy accommodation. Okay, it can be "romantic", if you want.
Jannah: Yum, blue vein and corny romance - I love it all! When you take your skydive, try to get a photo together where your cheeks are flapping about.
Han: Yes, that'll take the shine off the cheese!

Q: I'm a 24-year-old male who sounds gay. I can't stand it and am sick of being called a "poof". What can I do? - CD

Jannah: A mate of mine uses this to his advantage. A lot of women assume he's gay and feel relaxed. That's when he pounces. It's the perfect disguise.
Alyssa: It's cool to have a high-pitched voice - look at Mike Tyson and David Beckham. Didn't seem to impede them. Embrace it!
Han: Well, not so sure about Tyson. He was jailed for rape and is rumoured to be bankrupt. But yeah, you, CD, could use it. But if you really hate it, visit a voice coach. They'll have you channelling Barry White in no time.
Jannah: As for people calling you a "poof", they are small-minded ignoramuses who need to get their heads out of their own . . . well, just forget about them, they are not worth a second thought.

Q: I slept with a girl I met at a friend's party. We've stayed in contact and the more we speak, the more I feel she's falling for me. I'm quite fond of her, but only want to be friends. How do I tell her this? - DS

Han: Not sure you can salvage the friendship; you've seen her vagina.
Jannah: DS, repeat after me: "Hey [insert her name], I think you're a great girl and I really hope we can be friends, but I don't want any more than that." Be honest and upfront. She'll probably think you're an arsehole, but by doing this you're actually the opposite. The arsehole thing to do is to lead her on by not making this point clear. So man up and come clean.
Alyssa: I don't know if you need to tell her - just don't lead her on by going out to places with "date" written all over them. Hang out as a group, quit the cheeky smiles and, oops, avoid sleeping with her on those odd occasions.
Han: I'm with Jannah on this one- upfront and honest (blunt as kids' craft scissors if necessary) is the best way to crush her, um, crush. If you give us chicks an inch we'll take a mile . . . dum-dum-dee-dum, dum-dum-dee-dum . . .

Q: I'm 21 and don't last long during sex. How long should I last and do girls get freaked out? - MB

Han: So you've got a turbo-charged V8 that gets to 100km/h in three seconds and most girls are like an '82 Datsun Sunny . . . hardly a fair race.
Jannah: Guys coming too early is a common girls' locker room discussion. We do feel ripped off.
Alyssa: MB! They say a man's sexual peak is between the ages of 18 and 21. So you possess special Duracell Bunny batteries that can keep going and going. At least you have the ability to recharge your batteries and have another chance to satisfy your lady in rounds 2, 3, 4 . . .
Jannah: In any woman's ideal world you'd last until she has an orgasm, but there are plenty of alternative ways other than penetration to get her there. Keep reading our sex pages and brush up on your oral skills, as most women don't orgasm through penetration alone anyway. Learning to hold back your own orgasms can also make them more intense, so read up on that as well.
Han: Wow, Jannah! You're like the new Dr Feelgood. I totally second that motion. ALL those motions, in fact.

Q: My girlfriend of six months and I broke up while I was on a six-month trip overseas. I'm back and still crazy about her, but she's met someone new. Do I go back overseas (I was lonely) or try to rekindle things with her? - WP

Alyssa: Tell her exactly how you feel; you've got nothing to lose. Just make sure the new guy's a little nerd who can't fight.
Jannah: Nah, go back overseas. I'm sure you didn't enjoy it to the full the first time as you were pining for your girl (and wondering who that mystery man was in all her Facebook photos). Be free and explore; you never know what's waiting around the next bend.
Alyssa: Or "who's" waiting around the next bend. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Han:Yeah, you made your bed, WP, now lie in it. Or lie in many beds, all over the world (use protection!).

Q: My wife says it's strange that I count during sex. I feel more in control. Is it weird? - "Confused"

Jannah: Do you mean it helps you "control" your orgasm? Lots of guys have similar rituals to help them last longer, but mostly they keep them in their heads.
Han: At least you're not reciting Bible passages or the shopping list.
Jannah: So you're counting out loud? This would be so distracting, and the last thing a woman needs as she's trying to climax is another distraction! Can't you try counting in your head?
Alyssa: Or invest in an eggtimer?
Han: When it goes off, the buzzing noise could be a little jolting. Why don't you concentrate on her for a while (approximately 1080 seconds) using something else that buzzes.
Alyssa: Some people take control with handcuffs and a whip. Get my point? Counting is a little weird, but not that weird. Don't stress.

Q: When we first met, my girlfriend had impeccable personal-grooming habits. Now, they've dropped badly. How do I broach the subject? - TJH

Jannah: Has she stopped showering and grown a forest "you know where"? Or is it just a matter of not wearing make-up or having some leg stubble? This tends to happen as people begin to feel relaxed and secure with someone. I actually think it's a nice thing. I hope your grooming habits are second to none, TJH; if they're not, I don't think you can say much.
Alyssa: Spot on, Jannah. TJH, take a look at yourself. Chances are you've also let yourself go since that first date.
Han: I'll bet she mostly wears comfy Bonds undies instead of the lacy ones she used to draw you in. Hey, it happens. But if you want her to wax her lady-bits and dust the cobwebs off her stay-up stockings, take her away for the weekend. I guarantee she'll make an effort in return.
Jannah: Maybe offer to help her shave her legs one night. Everybody wins.
Alyssa: Even better: I'll shave yours if you shave mine!

Q: My girlfriend says I call her too much. She never has time to call me, but has time to watch a movie with her mates. If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't talk. Should I just wait for her to call? - "Mike"

Han: I'm guessing you're a teenager, Mike, with all the phone calls? I say, enjoy your freedom, because before you know it, you'll be 30, your balls will no longer be blue - which is good - but they'll be the property of a woman who calls you five times a day, whines about her period pain/yeast infection and demands you watch Meg Ryan movies on Friday nights.
Jannah: You sound a little obsessive/possessive, Mike. Of course she should be able to enjoy a movie with her mates.
Alyssa: Have you ever heard of "playing hard to get"? If she makes no effort to call, then she's really not that into you. Cut her loose.
Jannah: It's okay to go a day without talking. Sounds to me like you rely too much on contact from your significant other. Get a life of your own to keep you busy and happy when she's not around.
Alyssa: Pick up an Xbox on the way home from uni/school. Once you're hooked on that, I guarantee you won't even think about calling.

Q: I've never had a girlfriend. I'm 22, confident and I've just finished training to be a cop; I just have no idea what to say. - JP

Jannah: My little brother grew up with three older sisters and I'm surprised he doesn't suffer from gynophobia (fear of women), but instead he actually knows how to speak to women. Do you have any female friends? Hanging out with them may help.
Alyssa: Love how you threw in your line of work. You obviously think it'll help in your quest to score a lady.
Han: Of course it will. Approach a girl you like and say, "Ma'am, you're under arrest for being seriously hot. Don't make me use my pistol."
Jannah: Ask lots of questions and listen . . . then tell her about your handcuffs.
Alyssa: Yep, use it. An accountant armed with his calculator just doesn't have the same effect as a cop and his cuffs.

Q: In a lecture, I was making eye contact with a girl. She'd glance back at me and then divert her eyes as soon as I looked in her general direction. But at the end of class she left in a hurry. Did I freak her out? I'm lost. - "Nick"

Jannah: Eye contact or creepy eye-drying stares coupled with drooling?
Alyssa: Well, Nick, she was obviously there for Chemistry 101 - not the kind of chemistry you were trying to make.
Jannah: If there was some sort of crazy reaction in your pants, Nick, then that could be one reason she fled. Chill out, there will be more opportunities. Next time, pass her a note saying something like, "Hey, my name's Nick. Wanna go for a coffee after class?"
Han: My brother met his wife at uni. He stopped her after a tutorial and complimented her on her fluffy cardigan (clearly a lie, as he's not gay). Try something like that.

Q: I really like this girl I've been dating for four weeks, but she's totally self-conscious about her body. I tell her she's beautiful and curvy, not a size-four, airbrushed Barbie doll, but she won't believe me. It's becoming a little hard to deal with. Help? - AH

Alyssa: Some girls do that; we enjoy fishing for compliments and keep the bait dangling out there until it's caught. Chances are your girl's so obsessed with what she thinks are negatives, she's finding it hard to believe there's anything good about her.
Han: Hmmm, yeah, self-effacing girls are annoying. They're common, though, and one of the reasons I'm not a lesbian. (Another is that I'm just not that dextrous.)
Jannah: Yeah, I think dating a woman would be hard work. You're starting to feel like a broken record, huh? Get serious with her. Tell her it's starting to affect the relationship and you need her to address her self-esteem issues.
Han: Tell her that when she whinges about her bottom/stomach/lady-bits it makes her less attractive to you because it turns so many positives into a negative.
Alyssa: Maybe try a new approach. She obviously hates her curvy body, so tell her something else you like about her; stay away from the physical.
Jannah: Some women's mags and the media have a lot to answer for. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Grab her a subscription to Women's Health; it's all about being healthy and happy with your self.

Q: My girlfriend found out that I once paid for sex. She got really upset and broke up with me. She told me that I can't be trusted ever again. Is this fair? - TP

Jannah: "Found out"? Did she find a receipt?
Han: Um, maybe it was a tax deduction?
Jannah: Look, TP, as long as it wasn't while you were dating her or you didn't leave 50 bucks on the bedside table as you left for work that morning, I think she's overreacting. But I'd still want to know why.
Han: I don't think she's overreacting - if she's got stauncher morals than a Family First politician, then that's the way she is. There's no room in this relationship for you, her and the rock-solid disapproval she feels for your actions.
Alyssa: If it was while you were together then you're lucky she just broke the relationship and not your neck.

Q: Six months ago, my wife and I had our first child. She can't leave our baby, not even with my mother, who's more than capable of caring for a baby that age. How can I help her to break free? I miss her. - LP

Alyssa: Sorry to break it to you, but you have to start focusing on being a family and get used to replacing romantic fine dining with nights spent fetching and carrying for feeds.
Han: I dunno, Alyssa. I think it's fair to say LP's feeling left out. His wife can't focus ALL her attention on the little rug rat. If he did the same she'd call him a negligent bastard. It's vital that couples make time for each other after they become parents.
Alyssa: You say you miss her, but where did she go? I just think you've got to remember that she's now also known as Mum, not just your wife. I'd say you need to give her another couple of months - six months is too early to pull her away.
Jannah: I tend to agree with Han. It's important to make sure you still have time out together, and I think six months is enough time. Otherwise the relationship you've built over the years can break down.
Han: Convince her that Junior will be safe with your mum. The first time will be hard but soon your missus will be handballing the kid at every opportunity.
Jannah: Try bringing the outside world to her. If you have other friends with children, invite them over for a casual barbie. Invite your mum, too, so your wife can see her with your child. It might help to ease her into stepping outside of her comfort zone.

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