When we asked 1300 women, 75 per cent of them said their boyfriends and husbands are the main sources. And the most confident women value sex more and initiate it more often than their meeker counterparts. Pick your spots and build her up.

Dinner with friends

Your strategy: brag about her. "By showing public admiration for her or her accomplishments, you raise her social capital," says clinical psychologist Dr Tina Tessina. She'll feel insecure if she thinks you're too good for her, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Show her that you consider yourself lucky to be in her league.

Your move: follow up with a more personal, related compliment when you're alone with her. "If you don't compliment her in private, she can perceive your public bragging as just showing off what a good boyfriend or husband you are," says clinical psychologist Dr Steve Simpson, author of What Women Wish You Knew About Dating.

You're stumped by a problem

Your strategy: ask her opinion, not her advice. "She's more likely to tell you what she thinks than to give you advice," says Tessina. "If you ask for her advice, she's going to feel maternal, which isn't very sexy."

Your move: use words like "opinion", "think" and "feel". "Even asking, 'What do you think I should do?' is better than, 'Tell me what to do'," suggests Tessina. It validates her opinions and reinforces her confidence in your bond.

She's totally wrong

Your strategy: never agree to disagree. A study published in the Journal of Management Development found that women are more likely than men to resolve conflict through collaboration.

"Agreeing to disagree shuts down the communication process and never resolves a thing," says clinical psychologist Dr Tom Merrill, co-author of Settle for More: You Can Have the Relationship You Always Wanted . . . Guaranteed! "The less comfortable she feels communicating, the less confident she'll feel about the relationship."

Your move: ask non-judgmental questions like, "Why do you think that?" or "Have you thought of it this way?" It shows respect for her intellect and decisions, and she'll be more likely to share her thoughts.

Next to her in a car

Your strategy: silence, but touch her non-sexually. Women are more satisfied with their relationships when their partners are physically affectionate in a non-erotic manner, according to a study in the American Journal of Family Therapy. "This kind of physical affection makes a woman feel wanted for more than just her body - which, ironically, makes her feel sexy," says Tessina.

Your move: rest your hand just above her knee. It's close enough to be in intimate territory but not obviously sexual, so she won't think you're just looking for action at the end of (or during) the ride.

She's feeling good

Your strategy: make it up to her. What? You aren't in trouble, so it's the ideal time to fix a past mistake. A woman questions your sincerity when you take action to remedy a problem that's fresh in her mind, according to a recent study in the Journal of Personality of Social Psychology. You're most effective when her focus is elsewhere.

"She'll appreciate your efforts to make her happy much more when she's already in a good mood," says Simpson.

Your move: "Think about what your last few fights were about," suggests Simpson. "Tailor your behaviour as if you were trying to make up for that." Now's the time to do the dishes because you want to do them, or surprise her with flowers.