Play mind games

Setting the right tone for the evening starts before you even leave the house, according to Sydney-based confidence coach Carolyn Curro. "Before you go out, you need to feel confident and prepared," she explains. "Think of three general things to discuss: places you've visited, films you've just seen, things in the news. And check that nothing is out of place with your appearance - there's nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable and fidgeting all night."

Meet and greet

When you arrive at the event, Leil Lowndes, author of How To Talk To Anyone (HarperCollins, $27.99), suggests reframing the situation by thinking of yourself as the host. That way, she says, you'll look after people, get them involved and appear confident. Body language also holds the key to making other people feel comfortable – it's said that 93 per cent of
a message is transmitted using nonverbal signs. "When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend," advises Lowndes. "[It] starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body, from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes."

Add an extra touch

Fuel conversations with well-placed compliments – but keep them subtle. Agreeing with someone by punctuating their opinions with comments like "exactly" or "that's right" will make them feel interesting. You can also deepen rapport by lightly touching someone's forearm – one study* has shown that waitresses who touch their customers when giving them the bill boost their tips by 25 per cent. And when you want to end the conversation, remember your manners. According to Curro, graciously saying something like, "It's been lovely to meet you, thank you for sharing that hilarious story/great idea/secret restaurant with me," will leave just the right impression.

*Psychologies, December 2008
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