7 things men find unattractive about women

Too much makeup, talking about bodily functions, and belittling the opposite sex are just a few of the female habits that men find unattractive about women. We know that not all women are like this, but when we meet them, boy do we know about it. Here are seven things men find unattractive in a woman:

Unattractive female habit 1: Being too drunk

We all love a girl who knows how to have a good time but when she's had such a good time that she's slumped over a bar with her knickers tucked into her skirt and toilet paper trailing from her shoe, it's not attractive and it doesn't make us want to walk over and kiss you in a "hands off folks – she's mine" kind of manner. You ladies also have the tendency to speak so loud that you drown the music out in a loud bar when you're drunk. There's nothing wrong with getting merry, but when everyone starts looking at us because we're with "that drunk woman" who is putting her skirt over her head and laughing hysterically, it's embarrassing.

Unattractive female habit 2: Talking about bodily functions

Yes, we know we agreed not to keep secrets from each other but can we skip that rule on this occasion? The day we realised that women do 'number twos' was the day our world came crashing down, bringing all our sexual fantasies down with it. When you're spending a long time in the bathroom, we like to think that it's because you're refreshing your makeup and hair. We could possibly – emphasis on the word "possibly" – stretch our imagination to think that you may be going for a tinkle, but we'd rather not. Please don't talk about any of your bodily functions; leave topics about "the time of the month" and your bowel movements for your girl friends.

Unattractive female habit 3: Excessive body hair

We associate body hair with testosterone and testicles so seeing it in excessive amounts on a woman can be quite a turn off. We know it's painful to go through the rigmarole of waxing, plucking, epilating, and whatever other fancy hair removal systems you use (notice how we know all about this stuff because it's one of those things you nag about?) but at least keep it trimmed so it looks presentable.

Unattractive female habit 4: Too much makeup

It's great to take pride in your appearance and that goes for clothes, hair, and makeup too. If this is a first date, wearing minimal makeup to enhance your looks is sexier than the overdone look, in our opinion. If we've been together for a while, we love you no matter how much makeup you wear, but we'd prefer it if you kept it to a minimum. Purple, pink and green eye shadow with red lips? Someone pass my sunglasses. We go in for a kiss and end up looking like a clown from the circus and it isn't a good look for either of us. Ladies, if you insist on wearing that much makeup, please refrain from snuggling up on our shoulders – that's my favourite white shirt you just stained with your makeup.

Unattractive female habit 5: Belittling us

We can just about cope with being called "snuggle bunny" and "baby boy" but when you belittle us to the point that we look stupid in front of other people, that's one step too far. Don't correct everything we do and say as if we don't know anything. Just because we do things differently to you, that doesn't mean that your way is right.

Unattractive female habit 6: Swearing

We can forgive you the odd cheeky swear word, but when you're effing and jeffing like there's no tomorrow it can be a real turn-off for some men. We like our ladies with a touch of class and cramming your vocabulary with swear words doesn't quite ooze sophistication. What's wrong with using normal words to express your feelings? Dictionaries and thesauruses are brimming with options – take your pick. We're not suggesting that you express your feelings using sentences such as "I am feeling ever so disenchanted" or "I'm awfully embittered by this" but saying something along the lines of "I am flipping angry" or "this is blimming frustrating" are much nicer replacements for sentences packed with foul words.

Unattractive female habit 7: Nagging
We've spent long enough silently moaning to ourselves about how annoying women are when they nag, that we're taking this opportunity to get it off our chests once and for all. We can't usually raise it in conversation you see, because no matter how delicately we approach the idea that you might possibly annoy us when you nag, we will be sentencing ourselves to even more endless nagging about pointing out that your nagging is getting too much. You nag at us for leaving the toilet seat up, you nag at us for "not caring", you nag at us for not shaving for a few days... sheesh. Would you prefer us to go to the toilet sitting down? Would you prefer us to be over emotional? And perfectly groomed? Then you'd nag at us for not being manly enough. Three words: we can't win. Don't mess with how nature intended men to be, and we won't mess with how nature intended you to be. If you can't handle that, then maybe you should be dating women. Sorted.