I ask my clients to think about what ideals are most important to them, as part of establishing a foundation to work from. What principles do you live your life by? What standards would you not compromise on? These are your core values.

Your values are engrained in you through your genetics and your upbringing. We are born with a certain disposition and personality type, but are greatly influenced by our parents, our experiences, educational system, friends and peers as we grow up. By the time we reach adulthood, many of our values are embedded in our psyche. They are deep-seated beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you. They are ideals you hold to be true about yourself and that you look for in others. Some examples may be:
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Love
- Success
- Hard work
- Freedom
- Family life

Everyone has a different set of core values, and I encourage you to think about and write down yours. Why? Because if you do anything that conflicts with your values, it inevitably leads to disappointment. For example, if honesty is one your core values, and you lie to a close friend, you will feel guilty and sad. If success is important to you, but you have not put plans in place to reach your goals, you will feel frustrated and angry.

Your job can conflict with your core values too. If you believe in social freedom and think that all drugs should be decriminalised, then you probably wouldn't be happy working in the Police force. Likewise, if integrity is important to you, you may want to think twice about working as a marketing manager for a multinational tobacco company.

To be happy and content with yourself, you need to ensure that what you do is in alignment with your core values. Sometimes you can do things that align with one core value but conflict with another. You need to decide what is most important to you before making a decision. When I work on goals and plans with my clients, I always tell them to use their core values list as a reference. If there is any potential conflict between what they want to do and their core values, we discuss it and deal with it before moving on.

So the next time you are making a big decision or are about to change course in your life, make sure you don't compromise on what you believe in. Stay true to yourself.

If you live in Auckland, and would like to find out about personal coaching, visit www.eclipselifecoaching.com or call Kris on (09) 629 6080. Copyright Eclipse Life Coaching Ltd 2009. All rights reserved