Have you ever played the victim?

In relationships, couples tend to take on certain roles. One of the most popular roles is that of a victim. Typical victim behavior includes pouting, sulking, running away from arguments, refusing to make decisions or take responsibility for situations, and adding more to one's to-do list in order to feel like a martyr.

What happens in relationships in which there is a victim? It creates a need for the other partner to respond to this behavior in one of two ways. He can either be the villain (the person who is causing the victim to cry, sulk, etc.) or he can be the hero (the person who is trying to comfort the often inconsolable victim). Neither situation is preferable, because when you get to the bottom of it, it is all roleplay. (And not the good kind!)

When you act insincerely in your relationship, such as by crying and refusing to reveal why, acting weaker than truly are, or causing a scene just for the attention and drama it creates, you are cheating you and your partner out of an authentic, lasting connection.

Like the boy who cried wolf, a partner who always cries victim soon becomes an untrustworthy source and her needs fall on deaf ears. Meanwhile, her partner is stuck internalizing all of the negative feedback, sometimes to the point that he actually does act out the villainous behavior of which he has been accused. 

What's the lesson here? The next time your partner lets you down or makes you angry, don't embrace it as an opportunity to take the stage and play the victim. Instead, give your feedback maturely and authentically. If you want to cry and yell, go ahead. But just make sure it is coming from your real emotions, and not from a need for melodrama.

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