The signs were all there - the never-ending nausea, extreme fatigue and the favourite foods that didn't taste quite right. However, radio-wedding couple Paula and Zane Nicholl could never have guessed that their New Year's Eve would reveal the biggest surprise of their married life - baby number three was on the way.

‘We were on holiday and I thought I had a stomach bug. I went to the supermarket and got a pregnancy test, just thinking I was being stupid. Then the line came up. Zane said, "Try another one, it might be wrong." I knew it was right after the first result, Zane just needed confirmation,' Paula, 38, says with a laugh.

The second test left no doubt - Paula was expecting. The news came as a surprise as Paula was taking the contraceptive pill.

‘I guess we're very fertile,' Zane says with a grin. ‘But we feel so lucky we've had this opportunity again and we know it's going to be the last one for sure.'

Paula and Zane, 41, have sons Jack, five, and Max, eight. At age three, Max was diagnosed with autism. He has a number of challenging developmental behaviours including frequent unexpected tantrums, a lack of social skills and an inability to communicate at the same level as his peers.

Caring for Max's special needs led to the couple's decision to have only two children, feeling they wouldn't be able to cope with both Max's autism and a third child. But with their continual love, patience and understanding, Max has advanced in leaps and bounds. Today the gentle blue-eyed boy, who used to rock back and forth and was once unable to feed himself, continues to astound them with his progress. And now that the surprise of the pregnancy has sunk in, Paula and Zane say they have no concerns about how they or Max will cope with a new baby.

‘Max absolutely loves babies. Anyone who's got a baby, he just wants to go up and touch the child. That was OK when he was little, but it's a bit different when you have a bigger child randomly going up to touch a baby,' says Paula, who explains it's just one of the differences that distinguishes Max from other children.

‘Max is very loving and he'll want to be with the baby all the time. He talks about how when the baby's born he'll be very gentle, and he'll go to his room if it gets too noisy. Max has learnt how to remove himself from stressful situations and he's taught himself to calm down by reading his books or looking at his photos and magazines.'

Max's prized possession is a shoebox filled with snaps of him growing up and precious moments with friends and family. He sits in the middle of the living room floor flicking through his collection, proudly presenting his favourite photos. Moments later he leaps to his feet, heading off to his room to look through his clippings file of magazines in which he's featured. This, Paula explains, is a sign that Max is self-soothing.

‘I don't think there'll be a situation [with the baby] where he'll lash out if things get too much for him,' Zane says. ‘He'll just leave the room. We're blessed. With autism there's such a broad spectrum, you can have someone who's an absolute nightmare, a real handful to control, whereas Max is very placid.'

Loving brothers

A backyard game of Star Wars has just ended and the boys tear in to grab a bite to eat and snuggle up to Paula's growing belly. She, in turn, proudly wraps her arms around her two sons. Twenty-one weeks in, Paula's positively glowing - yet she concedes she's feeling
the strain of her third pregnancy.

‘I had morning sickness for the first trimester, but this time it's been harder as I'm a lot older,' she says. ‘I'm also more tired, but that's probably because I've got the boys to care for.

‘The boys want to kiss and sing to the baby all the time,' Paula adds. ‘I can't wait for that stage when they can actually see the baby kicking and the feet going across my tummy.'

Max says he wants a little brother and Jack is wishing for a sister, although his parents have to laugh at his choice of names. ‘There's SpongeBob SquarePants and Santa,' Zane says.

Paula and Zane will keep the child's sex a surprise but reveal they would like a little girl.

‘A girl will be great for our family and would add a different dynamic,' Zane says.

Paula agrees. ‘I would love a girl. We wanted a girl when we had Jack, then halfway through I hoped we'd have a boy because that interaction would be beneficial for Max. It would be nice to have a girl as they're quite mothering and it would be nice for the boys to have that.'

Nevertheless, their main wish is to have a healthy child. ‘With the experience of having Max and his disability, we'd [be happy with any] child that's fit and full of life,' Zane says.

Not an easy birth

There are many theories about what causes autism, but none are conclusive. However, some specialists believe a distressing birth may be a trigger. Max was born three weeks early, face up in the posterior position. On arrival he was purple and struggled to breathe. The couple and their paediatrician believe this may have contributed to his autism. This risk is something Paula's anxious to avoid, so she'll opt for a Caesarean for this birth, as she did with Jack.

‘There's no autism in the family and who knows whether this is a cause, but we just don't want to take any risks,' Paula says.

Zane adds, ‘The last thing we need to do is put Paula's life in jeopardy as well as the wee one, for the sake of a natural birth.'

The former Treasure Island couple squeeze hands in a moment that shows how close they are. Any critic who doubted that the pair - who were complete strangers when they met at the altar in a 1999 radio promotion for The Edge - would make it this far have been proved wrong.

‘We're living the dream,' says Zane, who always wanted to meet someone as committed as he was to starting a family. ‘I just love my family and it's fantastic we've got another wee one coming. I'm so proud at what we've achieved and I can't wait to meet our new baby.'

In the meantime they're house hunting in Paula's hometown of New Plymouth, where they relocated from Hamilton 10 months ago. Zane was offered a job as a freight company operations manager, and with Paula's mother and sister in the city the decision to leave the Waikato was easy. Paula's part-time job selling Tupperware, which she'll continue once the baby is born, allows her to care for the kids during the day while Zane takes over the parenting duties in the evening. It ensures the boys always have someone at home.

‘We both love Hamilton and might move back there one day,' Zane says. ‘But Taranaki is such a special place. It feels like a second home.'

Paula adds, ‘Having my family here's a huge help. It gives us a little bit of "us time", which we really missed in Hamilton. Plus the boys love New Plymouth, love the beach and the mountain. It's a wonderful place to raise our family.'

By Caroline Botting

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