It's certainly not useful to growl at every little thing, but there are small battles that are worth winning to prevent the bigger ones occurring later in life.

When we ignore poor manners, backchat and rudeness, we allow our children to become disrespectful and even angry. Nip the small things in the bud and win those arguments, because how our kids speak to us is important. We parents often drop our guard over less noticeable things like the language our kids use. We ignore the whining, moaning, taunting and cheek in favour of keeping our energy for the major battles.

Children often mistake this absence of discipline for a lack of respect and bad manners as a doorway to act in more challenging ways, and this is where parenting gets hard. As parents, we feel we have been generous in ignoring the little things, and then become confused as to why our children are becoming harder to manage.

Pay attention, and continually coach them on how they should speak to you. Start as soon as they are speaking their first words, and keep it up until they do it automatically. Remember, using manners shows others that we care about them. Focusing on respectful speaking curbs more intense behaviour such as tantrums, swearing, lying and inappropriate outbursts of anger.

A similar thing was found to be effective in New York City. Rudy Giuliani, the mayor at the time, tackled petty crime such as graffiti with a zero-tolerance policy. This removed a lot of major crime in the process, simply by setting a new standard of behaviour and responsibility.

The motivation behind what a child is doing wrong can be the key to deciding how to tackle the problem. As the parent, you may have to make a quick decision - is this simply playfulness, an accident, fatigue, forgetfulness, or a lack of Concentration? If any of the above is the case, a light-hearted reminder will be enough. But if it's a challenge of respect or becoming repetitive behaviour, then it's worth being firm. Remind your child of your family rules about respect and give them the opportunity to show you they can deliver what's expected.

Tips for parents

Talk about your family rule of respectfulness.

Model it on a daily basis in your own interactions - it's important that you set an example by speaking nicely to your children.

Give your children a chance to show you they can speak respectfully when they blow it.

Have simple consequences for disrespect - make them small but enforce them consistently.

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