Murder victim Sophie's grieving mum vows to help stop the cycle of abuse.

Scores of pictures of the pretty 22-year-old Otago University student are placed
on almost every surface of the family home. A doodle on the whiteboard fridge remains untouched and notes to ‘lovely mumsy' are now framed.

A small card sits next to a photo of Sophie, containing a heartbreaking message from Lesley to her daughter, ‘Dear Sophie, I miss you so much. Love Mum.'

On January 9, 2008, Sophie was murdered by her university-lecturer boyfriend Clayton Weatherston, from whom she'd recently split. He stabbed her 216 times in a savage and deliberate attack.

Lesley had let him into the house and was witness to the shocking crime. In September this year, Weatherston, 33, was jailed for murder and sentenced to a minimum of 18 years. Last week he appealed that sentence.

Grief has overwhelmed 62-year-old Lesley, but amazingly it hasn't taken away her emotional strength. Almost two years on from Sophie's murder, Lesley's determined to create a powerful legacy in memory of ‘Soph'.

‘I could quite easily curl up in bed, stay there and do nothing,' Lesley says. ‘But if I save just one other girl's life by doing this, it will be worth it.'

Warning signs

It's this determination that's driving Lesley, a neonatal nurse, to help launch a campaign along with the Roundtable on Violence Against Women, to help people recognise the warning signs of domestic violence.

She continues to receive extensive counselling from renowned psychologist Nigel Latta but constantly asks herself how Sophie's death happened, what were the warnings and could it have been avoided?

‘I feel so remorseful that I didn't pick up on the signs,' Lesley says. ‘I can see vividly now, Sophie was in a cycle of abuse she just couldn't get out of. Sophie didn't see it and she ended up paying with her life. I find that really hard to deal with.

‘Sophie spent her whole life at home. We'd tried to bring our children up to give them an idea of what the world was like. But I guess she was protected, not intentionally, but we had three kids and wanted them to be safe.'

Experts say domestic violence affects all groups in society, but some are easier to ignore than others. ‘If Sophie had been going out with some P-crazed individual from the Bronx, I would've been nervous and worried about her,' Lesley explains. ‘But here was this university-educated guy who came from a decent family.'

Lesley details with story after story the disturbing signs she saw leading up to Sophie's death. These incidents form a picture of a woman drawn into a cruel relationship with a narcissistic man who became a murderer.

Throughout these worrying recollections, Lesley often gazes towards the blue box containing Sophie's ashes that sits on the coffee table. Lesley takes it with her when she goes away, and it was with her throughout the harrowing five-week murder trial. Having Sophie close gives Lesley the strength to carry on.

‘She's driving us, she's driving her father to do what he's doing. For our sanity, we have to do it, even though it's hard,' she says.

Husband Gil, 67, a laboratory manager at Dunstan Hospital in Clyde, is working with the Sensible Sentencing Trust. His focus is to assist with perceived injustices of the legal system, including the removal of the controversial provocation defence Weatherston tried to use to lessen his charges, arguing Sophie attacked him with a pair of scissors.

Lesley, Gil, and their sons Nick, 35, and Chris, 31, were appalled at Weatherston's 18-year non-parole sentence for Sophie's murder and they're even more sickened by the appeal that he lodged last week.

‘Hasn't he done enough already?' Lesley says. ‘I feel it's got to be life for a life. He murdered Sophie with me here. He was still stabbing her when I opened the door, and he didn't even stop. He didn't show any remorse. The only remorse he's got now is the fact Sophie put him where he is.'

Lesley's determined that no other parent should feel the pain that has consumed her since that January day. She now recognises that power and control was being exerted from the start of Sophie's relationship with Weatherston.

Lesley says Sophie's character had changed. Sophie, who would once bound through the door recalling the day's events, began coming home in tears.

‘That's what it was like the whole time,' Lesley says. ‘At the trial and to friends Clayton would call her "my psycho girlfriend". Well she used to say to me, "He's screwing with my head, Mum." One minute he'd be saying she's fabulous, beautiful, she's going to go places. The next she was ugly, fat, she was a slut, a whore. And here was a girl who was always confident. That got me worried.'

Lesley tells how Weatherston manipulated Sophie. She recalls a story she's dubbed ‘The Frost Event' where he refused to leave the family home, telling Sophie he'd crash the car and die if he spun out on the icy roads - roads Lesley had driven twice that day.

‘But Sophie was always making excuses for him. And that's something girls and women do in violent relationships. She was trapped in that cycle.'

Lesley says there was a massive power imbalance, both physical and emotional. Sophie was a petite 52kg. Weatherston is 81kg and 1.82-metres tall.

He was also 10 years older than Sophie and her university lecturer. He never invited her out with his friends, keeping her isolated from his social circle. He'd often pressure Sophie to sleep with him, and if she refused he'd get angry and verbally abusive towards her.

Physical abuse

Sophie often talked these incidents through with Lesley. But it was when the psychological abuse turned physical that Lesley asked Sophie to involve the police.

A week after Christmas that year, Weatherston assaulted Sophie, straddling her on his bed and striking her across the neck, after she had dropped off a parting gift at his flat. Sophie had just returned from an Australian holiday and although they had broken up, she was about to move to Wellington and was eager to say goodbye on good terms. Sophie escaped, but Weatherston told her he wished her plane had crashed and she'd died.

Another incident followed when, by chance, Sophie saw Weatherston at university. He flew into a rage, shoving her down a fire escape and telling her, ‘I'm giving you my hate.'

‘I couldn't believe he'd done that to her,' Lesley says. ‘She said, "It's his word against mine. What's the point, nobody would believe me." I agreed with her in the end.

‘Gil didn't know about the assault and he was very angry. I should've told him, but Sophie took me into her confidence. I had every intention of telling him but Sophie said, "Please don't tell Dad. He'll make a fuss and I'm leaving." Gil would've gone to the police. There's no doubt about that, and I have to live with that.'

In hindsight, it's clear Sophie was in an abusive relationship. Lesley says all the warning signs were there. Now she hopes to help other parents coping with similar situations.

Lesley aims to work in primary prevention, not the ‘ambulance at the bottom of the cliff scenario'.

‘I want to be at the top,' she says. ‘The message I can give as a mother is to pick up on these warning signs. To girls, if you're feeling unhappy and unsafe you need to step back and say, "What is it that I don't like about this guy's behaviour?" And talk to somebody you trust about the situation.'

Lesley hopes to make a documentary featuring young women who have been in violent relationships, to tell their stories; and distribute the film to the high schools Lesley can't visit in person.

She says, ‘I'm just sorry Sophie's not here to tell the story herself.'

By Caroline Botting

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