As a parent, can you spot the difference between a reward and a bribe? A bribe is what a parent does to get a child off his or her back. It is used in a quick underhand way to get a child to do what we want. Parents use bribes when they are after a quick way out. Because bribes lack thought and planning, their effectiveness is limited and tends to fall over very easily.

Rewards, on the other hand, are planned and discussed ahead of time. They help young children break bad habits and start new ones. They provide incentive and motivation to give a new pattern of behaviour a go. And, wonderfully, a child grows to like the feelings of success and achievement that a reward reinforces and will often continue in the new behaviour beyond the reward.

Try these ways of setting up a reward system:

Charts

These work best when used occasionally. Don't have the same one up for months at a time - a week or two is long enough.

Choose and focus on one behaviour at a time.

Use positively. Don't remove stickers or ticks as a punishment.

Choose a meaningful reward.

A jar

Money or marbles in a jar are great visual ways of helping a child towards a goal.       

For small children, the reward needs to be tangible and, ideally, visible. A matchbox car or pack of stickers above the jar for when it's full will help them work towards a goal.

When you introduce this system, make sure it is only a day or two before they get the reward so they get the idea before they lose the motivation.

Vouchers

Kids love one-on-one time with Mum or Dad.

For older kids, try making up vouchers as a reward for completing a long-term project. They might be redeemed for a trip to the movies with Dad or lunch out with Mum.

If your child doesn't meet the goal for the day, offer a hug and a cheerful, ‘You can try again tomorrow!' rather than, ‘Now you don't get a sticker'.

Avoid giving rewards just for trying. This can negate earlier accomplishments and decrease motivation for the next day.

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