Divorce is an emotional time for the whole family, and children can end up as unseen victims.

 

When parents separate, children find it very difficult to cope with their mum and dad not being together. All parents love their children, but it's easy for adults to get caught up in their own pain and assume that if children aren't showing obvious signs of distress, they must be coping.

Kids often bottle things up as they don't want to make matters worse, so parents need to help them open up about their feelings. If you say, ‘I'm here any time you want to talk,' you will wait a long time in most cases. So take the initiative and ask how they're going. Use these tips to help your kids cope:

 

Don't criticise the other parent

No matter how hurt and angry you are, you must protect your children from your negative feelings. It's awful for kids to feel they're stuck in the middle, having to choose between two people they love.

 

Encourage a relationship with the other parent

Unless it's not safe for the kids to see the other parent, it'll make it far easier for them if they know you want them to spend quality time with their mum or dad.

 

Don't interrogate your kids

When they return from the other parent's house, don't grill them on what they did, ate and who they saw. It puts them in a difficult position. Nor should you ask your child to keep what happens at your house a secret.

 

Don't keep the split a secret

It's too hard on children to ask them not to tell their friends and teachers. Give them permission to talk openly about what's going on and how they're feeling. Help them by informing the school yourself.

 

Be a good co-parent with your ex

Children cope best when their parents keep their best interests in mind at all times by communicating with each other, backing each other up, supporting each other's new relationships and sticking to arrangements, while being flexible when necessary.

 

Regularly check in

Don't sit your kids down and confront them by forcing them to tell you how they're feeling. Instead, while you're out driving or snuggled up watching a DVD simply say, ‘This must be hard for you. Are you OK?' Let them know you're still there for them.

 

Seek professional help if needed

Family counselling can be beneficial if your children don't find it easy to express how hard it is to manage. It can provide a safe environment for everybody to focus on what's best for the whole family.

Tip: Parents can help ease their children's pain by considering the kids' best interests first and foremost.

 

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