We often expect that our children will pick up social graces from watching us interact with adults, or naturally develop good social interactions. Unfortunately, it's not always as easy as that.

Good manners have often been referred to as the base of the good behaviour pyramid. Expecting good manners at home, modelling politeness and using words such as ‘please', ‘thank you' and ‘excuse me' should be family ‘givens'. Teach a new behaviour each week and practise table manners.

One mother says that her kids not only eat a wider variety of foods when she serves it on large platters and allows the children to choose, they also show a lot of respect for each other, as they're expected to serve the person next to them first.

Teaching children how to make friends

Remember that popularity isn't necessarily the same as friendship. Some children are quite happy with their own company, at least some of the time, and are content with just one or two good friends. Other children by temperament and preference feel the need to be in a ‘best' friendship or a group to be happy. However, all children need certain social competencies and will feel so much more secure if they have some guidance.

In her book Parents Do Make a Difference, author Michele Borba suggests that parents focus on the skills their child lacks and choose one area to work on at a time. Privately coach your child by modelling and explaining the importance of the correct behaviour, then have them demonstrate it, and give them opportunities to practise it.

Practising with other children your child doesn't already know and are younger than them (or less skilled) often works best. You can then provide feedback on how the interactions went.

Basic skills such as saying, ‘Hello', joining a group, inviting a friend over, or paying someone a compliment can be practised. You can help foster friendships by encouraging or arranging visits with new friends, maybe a classmate and their parents. The security of having parents there will often be the catalyst for the children to go off and play.

Provide activities they both enjoy and teach conversation openers. Explain the rules for guests, such as, ‘You go first' or, ‘What shall we do now?'

Teach your child how to encourage others (such as praising teammates for a good game) by helping them identify positive phrases (such as, ‘Great idea!' or, ‘Nice try!') and even practicing them at home. Making cards or gifts for friends is another positive idea that will help your child take the focus off himself and on to others.

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