Social strengths

Just like other skills, children will need to be coached, allowed to practise and encouraged to try again if things don't work out. In the book Parents Do Make a Difference (Jossey-Bass, $39.95), author Michele Borba helps parents walk through
this process.

According to Michele, the first step is for parents to identify their children's social strengths and weaknesses. They should observe how their kids interact with others and notice whether they have a willingness to join others, if they have many friends and if they are cooperative, empathetic and polite.

There are many warning signs that can indicate a problem. These include a child not waiting his turn; not having many friends; being a poor loser; not sharing with others; not understanding proper personal space (standing too close or too far from other people); always wanting things their own way; using a whiny, unfriendly or loud voice; being overly critical; failing to initiate or continue a conversation; not compromising; not using eye contact; or quitting a competition or game before it is over.

Social cues Dr Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting (Ballantine Books, $32.99) and several other books on children and social acceptance, suggests that we can help our kids do better at reading social cues - often a challenge for children who have difficulty fitting in.

He says you should look through a magazine or watch TV with the sound turned down with your child. Then ask them what each person might be feeling. Follow this by asking them to make the same facial expressions. This sort of one-on-one coaching will them help develop crucial non-verbal communication skills.

Read next week's issue to learn how to further develop your child's social skills by helping them learn strategies for making friends.

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