with Ian Grant

Parents play an important role in ensuring their children are equipped to deal with bullying. Bullying seems to be a growing concern and any child is susceptible. Psychologist Evelyn M. Field has written a book on bullying in which she suggests strategies for dealing with bullies. Bully Blocking (Finch Publishing) covers subjects including comebacks, how to be an effective communicator, and how to manage body language.

Evelyn advises kids, ‘The moment you reply in a calm, polite, assertive manner, you will surprise the bully. They won't believe it. They expect you to be upset and react, not cool, calm and collected.'

How to help your child

Keep an eye out for signs of bullying. The cuts and bruises might be obvious, however lost and damaged possessions, stomach aches and tiredness maybe symptoms, too. More subtle signs might be changes in eating or sleeping habits, for example nightmares, avoiding participation in activities they once enjoyed, or even becoming a bully themselves.

Mistreating family pets, suddenly changing friends, not wanting to go to school or changing the route to school are other signs.

Ask your child direct questions about how their peers treat them.

Make gentle conversation about the day a part of their regular bedtime routine.

Take bullying complaints seriously.

Listen when they mention bullying. Subtle criticism for ‘provoking' the bullying will only drive the problem underground.

Reassuring your child that they were right to tell you about the bullying is important. It takes courage for a child to speak up - now it's up to you to have the courage to engage with them and to help provide a solution to
the problem.

Teach your child to be assertive, but not aggressive. Self-confidence is more effective than muscles and karate. Bully Blocking deals extensively with building self-esteem and social networks to counteract bullying.

Help your child identify strategies for dealing with bullying. Different strategies work for different situations. Discuss how to avoid aggravating bullies, how to ignore them, how to deflect their assault with humour, and even how to win them over.

Give your child positive opportunities to make friends. Having a completely separate social world where the known bullies or witnesses of the bullying aren't present can be an emotional ‘holiday' for a child. Sports, hobby clubs, youth groups or friends from
a different school can provide this.

Make teachers and other caregivers aware of the problem and work together with them to address it. Most parents will find their child's teacher to be a willing ally. If a teacher isn't prepared to make the commitment to help, take the problem to the principal.

Parents are a big part of ensuring bullying doesn't continue to happen, both in helping
a child to deal with the bullying, but also in modelling appropriate behaviour.

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