I love messing about with tools and one of my hobbies is carving rocking horses. You carve the head first and then attach it to the body to complete the job and, interestingly, families are basically the same.

Parents are the ones who get together, set up a home and lead the family as the heads of a loving dictatorship - yes, I do mean dictatorship, it's not a democracy. They set the tone in terms of values, rules, fun and the atmosphere in the team. That's why parents need to be on the lookout for creative ways to make their family work.

A great way is to use mystery to create family memories. Tell your children you're planning a mystery event for the next weekend, then enjoy their good behaviour as they anticipate being part of the surprise. It doesn't have to be a trip to Disneyland, but it could be going fishing, playing mini golf, or a family picnic at a park. Another adventure I've heard of is driving around in the car and at each intersection a person has a turn making a choice about which direction to turn. You might end up at a dead end - but that's all part of the excitement.

A friend of ours waved his family off before their long drive, then halfway through the journey ambushed the car, jumping out from behind a bush with a bag of treats for the children, who were astonished and delighted to see him.

Another advantage of a mystery event is that if anything goes wrong with the plan, you can change it. Your kids didn't know what was supposed to happen, so they can't be disappointed. Using secrecy to make family memories can also be a way for grandparents or uncles and aunts to get involved.

Children will remember the good times they had growing up, not the money you worked hard to earn, or how clean the house was. I'm often a little surprised when my adult kids remember things we did together as a family when they were very young.

It's fun at a family event when our children go through their museum of memories. Sure, the stories are bigger and the crises are funnier, but it's like they're saying, ‘This is part of my history - of being part of a team where I was a loved and needed member'.

What matters is the generations of people who you made feel special, and who now give you the awesome title of father, grandfather, or if you've earned it, Chieffy!

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