The years of ‘tweenagerhood' can be a no-man's-land for kids. Media, marketers and even communities can wittingly or unwittingly push preadolescents into areas far beyond what is developmentally appropriate. They are often treated as miniature adolescents with teenage ‘genres' created for them. Everything from clothing to social lives is geared towards growing up fast, with teenage discos and parties, and
all the sexualised lyrics that go with it. For parents to see their children pulled headlong into this sort of scene can feel demeaning.

Keep them busy

Pre-adolescents need direction and structure, and they need to feel their rite from childhood to adolescence is being acknowledged. They can feel awkward and self-conscious and very often will ‘diss' everything you as a parent have to say. However, at the same time they can be soft and vulnerable.

The key is to plan proactive times that will keep your pre-teen busy and attached rather than letting them flounder during these years. Camping holidays, sport and games with younger siblings allow a ‘tweenager' to relax and just be a kid.

Surrogate family

One of the most positive initiatives we have seen is a group of parents in our neighbourhood who had 10 or 12 intermediate-age children between them. The parents decided to create a positive social life for these youngsters and their friends by running what they called ‘Whanau Friday' every fortnight.

The Friday night event soon became a highlight. Two sets of parents were on duty each night, planning the programme and providing the food. The Friday nights took the form of an ice skating outing, a car rally followed by hot chocolate at someone's house, a pizza and Pictionary night, or a discussion night. There was always good food and the dads and mums were fun to be around. The group of 20 or so 11 to 13-year-olds became good friends and the parents took a real interest in these kids' lives.

The very positive side was that these pre-adolescents learnt some life skills and they gained a whole group of surrogate cousins. They entered their teenage years with a positive group of friends both male and female, whose parents knew and cared about them and whom the kids would not want to let down.

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