Beware: the MH office girls tell it straight. Click here to ask Emily, Jannah and Hanna the questions you can't ask anyone else.

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Q: My girlfriend found my porn stash and she's weirded out. I thought all girls just assumed every guy has one. Do I need to explain? - LH

Jannah: LH, I think you need a spanking! Seriously, did she grow up in a religious cult? Maybe it's just an initial, knee-jerk reaction. Ask her why it affects her and work from there.

Han: You're use of the word "stash" could be the problem . . . if you've been hiding your porn it, she's naturally going to be weirded out.

Emily: Yep, her discovery is probably for the best; if porn's not her thing, it was probably never meant to be. To avoid such mishaps in the future, display it in your DVD collection with pride - after Pirates and before Priscilla.

Han: Maybe try to get her involved and it won't seem so foreign: rent one of those not-so-scary DVDs in which people bump uglies a lot, but you don't actually get to see the uglies.


Q:Do girls really care what type of car you drive? I think my Ford Laser needs an update. Any suggestions? - MT

Jannah:The flashier the car the smaller the penis, or the bigger the ego, or both, leading to an underlying insecurity which no girl wants to deal with. MT, you're asking the wrong girl, as long as the doors open and shut, it's not a hotted-up hatch-back and it's cleaned every now and then, I'm happy.

Han:I used to think like you, Jannah, until I met a completely unpretentious guy with a substantial package and an Alfa Romeo convertible. He just likes cars. But, more to the point, I couldn't give a shit about what he drives and any girl who cares about that, MT, isn't worth your time.

Emily: Yeah, generally speaking, guys who drive flashy cars don't have much else on offer - all the gear and no idea. Your Ford Laser is nothing to be ashamed of; so long as it doesn't smell like dog and is free of any ex's undergarments, you've got my vote.

Han: Here's an idea: get a bike. Your deliberate attempt to stop global warming will warm her heart . . . and her special place.


Q:I accidentally called my current girlfriend by my ex's name. Now she's pissed. Any thoughts on how I rectify this problem? - CS

Han:Was it while you were inside her? If so, you're more screwed than Ron Jeremy at a gang-bang. If not, don't worry. It's perfectly natural, especially if you were with the ex for a big chunk of your life. Make like K-Rudd and just say sorry.

Emily: Yeah if it was during a romp I'm not sure that any amount of grovelling will get you out of this one.

Jannah: It's one word that could be held against you forever. You've just given your GF a dart that could be thrown back at you in any argument.

Emily: Hey, why not try giving all of your girlfriends the same, non-personal nickname? It's a fool-proof plan that you won't be calling out the wrong name in the throes of passion.

Jannah: Yeah try "sweet cheeks" or "lamb chop" - joking!


Q:My missus' ex partner and I hang out socially and she gets shirty about it. I've tried convincing her we don't talk about her (we don't), but she's still cranky. What's the go? - MK

Emily: Break-ups can be painful and your partner probably feels like you're dragging her over the coals. Surely you've got other mates you can watch the footy with?

Jannah:Look buddy, this guy used to bed your GF, can you really be cool hanging out with him? I guess this is where the sexes differ? Chicks don't even want to be in the same room as their boy's ex.

Han: Never? You never, ever talk about her? Whatever. Well, maybe you should compromise and see the guy less.

Why would you want to upset your "missus"? Mates before dates, doesn't always rate. Oh my God - I've gone all Dr Seuss.

Emily:Agreed. In this situation, the woman comes first. Time for a new drinking partner, MK.

Jannah:Try to seeing it from her perspective. She feels vulnerable. Would you be cool if her and your ex were besties?

Q: A girl I work with flirts with me all the time. So I asked her out for a coffee and she said, "I don't know". When I asked her for her number, she said, "No". What's happening here?- SV

Emily: Dude, you've fallen victim to the office flirt who never follows through. There's one in every workplace - she's probably just the bored receptionist who couldn't find anyone to stalk on Facebook that day. Drive her crazy by hooking up with one of the chicks in sales.

Jannah: You picked it in one, Em. This girl feeds off male attention, so just ignore her. Good on you for taking the initiative and asking her out. Don't let this knock-back affect you - you've probably dodged a bullet.

Han: Hmmm . . . fishing off the company pier. It's a tricky one. One Australian survey found that one in four people had met their long-term partner at work, but when it goes pear-shaped you're left with awkward conversation at the tea urn - or worse - security camera footage of the two of you doing bad things with a photocopier. Maybe she was just trying to avoid all that.

Jannah: Habitual prick-tease or not, Han has a point (pardon the pun . . . and I'm referring to the office flirt, Han, not you).

Han: Depends where you work. If you own a strip club, I'd say you're stuffed.

Jannah: True, a work uniform with nipple tassels could be an issue . . . But seriously, Z, I think at first, yes. You'll have to make it very clear where you stand.

Emily: Nah, quite the contrary - I think other women will find it refreshing. It shows that family is important to you and that your marriage ended on good terms. A man who's friends with his exes is a man who doesn't burn bridges and that can only be attractive to another woman.

Jannah: Also, be sure your ex isn't continuing to work for you because she's still holding a flame. Women will sniff a desperate female a mile off.

Han: Yeah, it's a subtle mix of St Tropez and stewed rabbit.

Q: Six months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of four years. It was a mistake and I want her back. But I've contracted an STI. How do I break that to her and still win her back?- PF

Emily: A lot can change in six months - people move on, others contract STIs. Gauge her interest first and if she's feeling the same way, come clean (so to speak). Most STIs are treatable these days, so as long as you're up-front and honest, you're already in the good books.

Han: Em's right again. Talk to her, don't hold back (except when it comes to your dick - tame the beast until the two of you are back on track). You never know, she might've gone all Samantha Jones and done some wild-oats sowing herself.

Jannah: So you played in the muddy field, you're filthy and now you want to crawl back to your loving (and clean) ex. Think about whether you really want her back or if it's the comfort you seek. You're burnt and vulnerable after your recent experience on the big, bad singles scene. Rule No 1: always wear a condom! Good luck.

Q: My girlfriend of two years is keen for us to move in together. I'm not sure, but think it's essential to find out if she's the one. What do you think?- GH

Han: Take it from someone who just dived into cohabitation for the first time; if it feels right, do it. Do you want to wake up next to her every day? Does she make you laugh? Are you best mates? Can you cook something other than spag bol? If you answered yes to at least three out of four, you're probably ready.

Emily: Do it! Moving in together doesn't actually equate to getting married, having kids and buying a station wagon. If it wasn't meant to be, you can always move out.

Jannah: Like you said, it sorts the maybes from the real deal. But when she's shrieking at you for leaving the toilet seat up and ironing your undies, don't blame me. Just kidding - don't freak out.

Need the girls' advice bad? Click below to send your most difficult dilemmas direct to Jannah, Hanna and Emily.

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